"Meanest mommy rules"

I recently was reading a hilarious blog that is comprised

of a list of "mean mommy rules" added every day.

Rules varied from

"Rule #246:
I insist that you wear more than

snow boots & a backpack when you leave the house"

to

"Rule #234:
No matter how irritated you are with your brother,

it is NOT ok to empty your water bottle on his bed

and then pull the covers up over it so Mummy finds it at bedtime."

More than once, while reading these rules,
I found myself thinking,

"I've said that" or "That sounds like my boys".

So I thought it would be funny
 to add a few of my own mean mommy rules here.

Here we go:

 #1.
Your matchbox cars and bouncy balls do NOT
 belong in the dishwasher or oven. 

The smell of burning toys is next to impossible
 to get out of the house.

#2.
No matter how much you may not like a meal,

calling grandma's Thanksgiving dinner "garbage" is never o.k.

#3.
If you're in trouble,
shouting out "Help Me" in another language

(Spanish, Ayudame! Ayudame!)

won't get you help any quicker.

#4.
Eggs, no matter how tempting,
are not to be used to decorate the back patio.

#5.
Any Christmas presents that are "accidentally"
opened before Christmas will be returned.

#6.
Making a hole in the bathroom door
with your Spiderman walkie talkie
is NOT o.k. no matter how badly you want
to get in while your brother is in there.

#7.
Silly Putty is not meant for your pants pockets. 

 If it does end up there, PLEASE tell me before I wash them.

#8.
Pennies do NOT belong down the air vents.

#9.
Scissors are never, never, never for anything other than paper.

#10.
If you're angry,
do not throw such a big fit on the floor

that you give yourself rug-burn on your forehead.

#11.
The couch is not a jungle gym.

#12.
I am not a jungle gym.

#13.
The backyard is not a place for peeing
or for naked slip-n-sliding.

#14.
The cats don't wrestle like you do.

#15.
That toy does not belong to you just because you are holding it.

#16.
While you live at my house,
you will have to find your "inside" voice.

#17.
No, it's never o.k. to pull your brother pants down,

punch him in his "privates",

 or streak across the house
after you've just gotten out of the shower.

#18.
The idea of "less is more" always applies to

toothpaste, toilet paper, and dad's cologne.

#19.
Sorry, but candy will never be an acceptable substitute for dinner.

#20.
Screaming over the top of your brother
while he's trying to tattle on you, does not keep me
from hearing what he's saying.

*The above mentioned are neither fabricated

nor embellished because honestly.....

there's no need.

They are in fact,

the overwhelmingly true rules

 that are necessary in my life with 2 boys.*

Life is always interesting! :)