Sadness

I've wanted to write all week,

but I was torn.

Torn because I couldn't find the words.

Torn because I felt un-entitled to feel so bad,

and torn because I wanted it to all come out just right.

For those of you who don't know,

this last week was a sad one in our family

and for everyone who has ever met

Rose.

Rose was a member of the Southwest church when our family first joined almost 14 years ago.

Rose was one of those people who was always happy. 

She had a smile that could not only light up a room, but light up the whole house. 

See....

She was kind to everyone she ever met

and I don't think that she had a nasty bone in her body.

We would all get a kick of how innocent and sweet she was

as she would count the curse words

-out loud, mind you-

when we would go see a movie in the theater!

She was my sister Robyn's age and her and Robyn hit it off

and immediately became friends.

And because our family has a motto of

"Any friend of yours is a friend of mine",

Rose because our friend as well.

Her and Robyn stayed close friends even after Rose got married

and moved across the country with her new husband.

Rose was always thoughtful and made sure that she made it home for Robyn's wedding

and was quick to send a gift when Robyn had Lucas.

Robyn had said that Rose always wanted to make it back to Oregon some day,

and Robyn was so excited recenty to find out that "someday" finally had a date....

2 years.

Two weeks ago. as a family, we prayed for Rose in our life group as she and her husband were struggling with infertility.

If ANYONE on this planet was a born nurturer, it was Rose.

Then, last Sunday night, a tragic incident changed everything.

Rose, a 27 year old, healthy, vibrant woman, had a brain aneurysm. 

Although she didn't die immediately, she never regained consciousness after Sunday night.

And Tuesday, after Rose had committed her final selfless act here on this earth

 and saved lives with the organs she donated,

she passed away with her husband and family by her side.

How can I follow up that statement?

As I sit here typing......

.....I'm at a loss.

It's strange that those of us who had lost touch with Rose,

or who only kept in touch through others,

can feel so much grief in her passing.

My sister has been heartbroken this week, and rightfully so.

As she said,

"The world truly is a darker place without Rose and her smile".

Me though, do I have the right to feel so heartbroken?

I haven't personally spoken with Rose since Robyn's wedding in 2006.

Why do I get to feel such a loss when others were so much closer to her?

That, I suppose, is the power of who Rose was.

She was so magnetic,

that just knowing her made you feel close to her.

And so,

this week,

we grieve.

All of us.

Those who loved her.

Those who were friends with her.

Those who just met her once.

And those who never even knew her have felt heartache.

It's rare in this world to know a truly GOOD person.

Maybe that's part of why losing her is so hard.

There aren't many out there like her.

And so, as we prepare to say our final goodbyes this Friday,

the family asked that friends bring cupcakes to honor Rose at her memorial.

Rose was a sweet-o-holic, and a talented artist.

And it seems that when her two loves were combined.....

well, I'll show you......

 

So in honor of Rose,

Robyn and I will be taking our own version of some "Rose Cupcakes" to the memorial this Friday.

I tried mine out on my family last weekend and this is what I came up with...

Cupcake Pops

They don't really even hold a candle to Rose's,

but I hope that they do honor her.

.

.

.

.

Peace to all of Rose's friends and family as you move forward

with her smile in your memory and her love in your heart.

Respectfulness and Honesty....

...apparently my kids are full of both of them.

At the boys' school, they hand out awards each month to a child in each class that best typifies that months character trait (respect, responsibility, honesty, etc.)

So, I just have to brag about both of my wonderful boys who have been picked this year for an award!

In October, Andrew won his award for being respectful,

and today

Isaac won his for being honest.

And although these are two traits that are not CONSISTANTLY displayed at home,

we have been blessed with 2 amazing boys who make me proud to be their mom every day!

Congratulations boys!

I love you!

Isaac"isms"

Sometimes the prowess of my son as a philospher amazes me.

Here are just a few examples:

As we were driving in the car last week, Grant and I overheard the boys talking about

the Great Wall of China.

Isaac offered up a particularly insightful explanation as to why it was indeed called "Great".

"I know why it's called the GREAT Wall of China.....

it's because all of the people hailed it!"

So what's more surprising?

That a 6 year old thinks of such things,

or

that he knows knows this definition of the word hail:

"to acclaim enthusiastically as being a specified thing."

Then today, as I picked up Isaac from school, he noted the beautiful weather in his own unique way:

"Mom, know what I think? 

I think it's kinda like the sun is welcoming me to school. 

Because on the days that I was home sick (2 days this week) it was all rainy and yucky outside. 

But on the day that I go back to school it's all sunny"

Yep.  I agree.

The sun does rise and fall for my kids.

I've Been Bitten!

By the writing bug that is!

I guess one post wasn't good enough for today, because tonight.....

well tonight I have thoughts spilling out of head.

Strangely enough, they're centered around politics

...at least indirectly.

If someone would have told me two years ago that I would have been active in politics,

I would have got a real good chuckle out of it.

Politics never really seemed like my thing.  Oh I did my civic duty and voted and I always was interested in candidates or policy (at least the ones that affected me).  But I never was really the type to advocate, canvass, or phone bank. 

Those guys were just a little to hyped up and over the top for me.

Apparently I never had anything that I felt passionate about before.

After returning to school, I began to gain a real passion for advocacy, especially when it came to children.

Those of you that know me know that I have always been involved with kids on some level.  But being in school gave me the

drive

determination

tools

and

passion

to make a difference in the lives of children. 

It honestly was like a light switched on inside of me and I realized exactly what I wanted to do. 

I wanted to be somebody who spoke on behalf of those who had no voice.

I've got enough voice for the both of us :)

So, after deciding that I had found my calling in life and putting all my efforts in finishing my degree so I could get a job in advocacy/family resource/parent education,

I got recruited.

The organization Stand for Children sought me out to become a coordinator for our local chapter.  I was flattered, but wondered how I would ever have the time with my busy school and mom schedule.

Ultimately though, I decided to go ahead and do it for reasons that were anything but altruistic.  I figured that if nothing else, it would be a good experience and something nice to put on my resume.

However, like a lot of things in life, this turned out nothing like I planned,

and it changed my life.

This group offered me tangible examples of how passionate, concerned everyday people like myself really could make a difference.

Change wasn't out of my reach any more and I felt empowered.

Working with this group has given me exposure and opportunities that have shaped who I have become and who I hope to be in the future and have made me

a true advocate.

I talked to my friends and family about the issues.....a lot.

I phone banked

got signatures

and talked to anyone who would listen.

I was one of those annoying, over the top, political voices.

I got to interview political candidates,

inadvertently found the opportunity to sit on a committee with the Oregon Department of Education,

and I got to talk with so many "real" people just like me about the issues we all cared about.

And I have never felt more consequential in my life.

Tonight in Oregon, 2 tax measures (that I personally advocated for) were approved by voters.

A large portion of the money generated by these measures will go directly to schools.

This is a huge victory

for children

for education

for the future

and

for me personally.

Something that I worked so hard for and cared so much about came to fruition today

and I had something to do with it.

I'm excited for my kids and the kids of my community for their victory in their own education

I'm humbled that I could be their voice.

And I'm content in knowing that I have found my true calling in life,

something that seemed so distant for so long.

http://www.stand.org/Page.aspx?pid=1409

Ta Da!

I knew that if I didn't get these posted before the end of January,

there was a good chance they may never make it here.

Here there are....

finally...

Ta Da!!

We had a wonderful holiday season in December that began with celebrating Isaac's 6th birthday.

Because the Polar Express train ride that we went on last year was so "lame",

we decided we could pull off a much better party ourselves and went for a "Polar Express Birthday Pajama Party".

Rules:

No one gets in the door in anything but pjs

Everyone must have cookies and hot chocolate

Everyone must be ready to sing, "Hot, hot, we got it!"

And even though the rules weren't all exactly followed to a "T",

a fun time was had by all

By the way, I'm pretty sure that Robyn and I have the 3 cutest kids on the face of the planet!

The next part of our holiday was spent in Idaho.

Grant and I decided to brave the mountain and went skiing for the first time in years (10 years for me)

I got shown up by my nephews.

At the end of the day, I only fell twice.

Grant, once.

Not too bad.

pics will be added later (they're on the laptop)

Next, we celebrated Christmas morning with Grant's parents, and his sister's family.

All parties involved were sufficiently spoiled and a good time was had by all...

(notice how I'm only brave enough to post pictures of OTHER people in their pajamas!)

The last part of our holiday season was spent at the beach in Seaside with my family.

I forgot my camera...

I stole Jessica's pictures.

You do what you have to.

Some people played games

Some people looked good cooking breakfast.

Some didn't.

I'll let you be the judge..

Some people got caught up on the intricacies of ocean life...

obviously very enthralling.

and some people just sat around looking cute.

We had a pretty low key New Years,

despite Jessica's best efforts to liven up our party with some peppy tunes.

We're old and boring I guess.

Anyway, we were very blessed this holiday season to get to spend so much time with the people we love and that put up with us!

Here's wishing you all plenty of people in your life as awesome as those in ours!

The best song ever...

O.k., so I realize that I should probably be updating here with some fabulous pictures and stories of how wonderful our time spent with family over the holidays was, and I will....eventually.

However, today the thing on my mind is music. I LOVE music! I'm not picky. I'll listen to country, rock, alternative, hip-hop, pop, 80's, alternative, classical, easy listening....whatever.

Music moves me and it always has.

I can look back on my life and remember it in as a continual soundtrack.
Jr. high - Guns N Roses, Metallica, Boyz II Men and Nirvana.
High school -Smashing Pumpkins, Shaggy, Collective Soul, Sublime and No Doubt.
My 20's - Outkast, 311, Nelly Furtado, Dave Matthews, Nickleback, Linkin Park and Jack Johnson.
Not that these are necessarily all of my favorites, but if I hear a song by one of these groups, I immediately am taken to a specific place and time.

For me, music is a stronger invoker of memories than almost anything else.

My passion for music has inevitably rubbed off on to my own kids who are regularly singing or humming and asking me to turn the music on any chance we have. Our lives are lived to the beat of a bass drum, the melodic harmonies of a piano or an up-beat hook.

However, as I sat here today listening to music, I have concluded that one song deserves the title of Best Song Ever in terms of it's ability to bring me right back to my past.

Take My Breath Away by Berlin takes the cake!!

This song definitely holds it's own in competition for the best song ever anyway you look at. Those first five notes perfectly identify this song immediately, and right away my mind drifts back to my days at the skating rink.

When I was in elementary school, I loved to skate. I went as often as I could and every birthday party I had was at the skating rink. One of the skating games that was always played at Deleta Skating Rink in Pocatello, Idaho was a couples skate where girls lined up on one wall and boys line up on the other wall. The DJ skates out and pick someone to skate with for a minute, blows a whistle and then both people have to go pick new partners. Undoubtedly, the song that was played for this game was Take My Breath Away. I can still see the dark rink, the rotating strobe light and feel the bass when ever I hear that song. It's such a good memory, and one that really defined my childhood.

I suppose it was only fitting then, that when Grant and I got together, I found out that his favorite movie is Top Gun. Watching that movie with him and hearing those familiar 5 notes, I knew we were destined to be together.

So, of course I'm being just a little dramatic and sappy (for the sake of making this an interesting read) but it is true that the one song that held so many wonderful memories of my childhood, now has even more wonderful associations of the person I love most in this world.

Anyway, for those of you who have never heard this song, or have forgotten it....shame on you! Go watch the video right now!!!

UPDATE: I figured out how to add music to my page, so enjoy the song!!!

Well today I got an email from an friend about her new blog (thanks Dani!) and I suddenly remembered that I have been very neglectful to my own blog. Here it's sat for almost 3 months with no new posts....what a terrible blogger I am! :( Anyway, I think Facebook has made it extremely easy for me to feel connected to those people who I am close to and sometimes I feel like I don't really have anything new or exciting to blog about. However, I do love to write and it really is very cathartic so I am attempting to force myself into doing it on a more regular basis. We'll see how that goes....

The last few months have flown by. It's amazing how fast time moves when you are too busy to pay attention. It seems like only yesterday I was a full-time stay at home mom to 2 young boys and was longing for the days of school, activities and fun with the kids once they were old enough for it. How foolish of me to have wished those days away so quickly. Not only that, but it seems as though I just started back to school and now...I'm nearing graduation in the next year or so. I turned 30 since I last blogged, and I can't believe that high school really was so long ago. I don't "feel" 30 (whatever that's supposed to feel like). In my head, I'm still just 21. It doesn't seem like I'm nearly accomplished enough to be 30 and the thought of being closer to 40 now than I am 20 just seems plain weird to me.

Ultimately though, like I told my family last month as they were teasing me for being so old, you are only as old as you feel. I don't feel old, I don't think I act old and hopefully, I don't look too old either (although I did find a grey hair recently). I do however feel like life is something that I am just waiting to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I am more than content with where we are in our lives, but I'm waiting to graduate, waiting to move to a bigger house, waiting to see what kind of job I'll get and it just feels like my "adult life" really hasn't started yet. I suppose that being a mother of an 8 year old and a 5 year old technically qualifies me as an adult but some days I don't feel too much older than my kids.

Anyway, it's strange that this is the topic that came out as I sat down to write. I didn't have anything specific to write about so I thought I would just see where this would go. Evidently I've had something on my mind. I suppose the trick in all of this is to figure out how to live my life in the here and now, as I am. I'm guessing if I could figure out how to do that, I would make myself a wealthy woman. I guess we'll just see how it goes....